How to Raise a Valedictorian - Tips Beyond Academics from House Rules and Life Outlook

When my oldest daughter forged her path to academic success I had so many parents, friends and colleagues reach out and ask me how it seems that all of my daughters are so successful. I often laugh this off because I prioritize a broader definition of success beyond grades. Each individuals journey is unique and success can take many forms.

Absolutely, academic achievements like being valedictorian can open doors for further opportunities, including college. However life is multifaceted and success can be found in various aspects like personal growth, resilience, and pursuing passions. So, I decided to share some of our house rules, ways of thinking and holistic approach to personal growth. I do believe that the combination of these things can help create a well- rounded foundation for future "successes". Yes, doing homework, creating good study habits and working hard will help get you to the podium and get you scholarships - But many home life aspects help actually prepare a student to be that person and make it happen. These are our insights, approach, and house rules outside of the academic stuff.

Our first house rule revolves around time. Our approach to this is that how we spend our time is just as important as who we spend it with. Keeping children engaged in positive activities is the best way to channel their energy. I encourage my daughters to look for activities that align with their interests and values. We encourage our children to be involved in at least three activities outside of the home. This is meant to help them develop skills, interests, and a sense of responsibility. They were encouraged to be involved in one athletic activity, one creative activity and one academic endeavor.

The second rule revolves around our value of family. We highly encourage our children to be present every night at the dinner table with us as a family. This keeps me in balance as a parent too. I can make meals for my children that I know are well balanced, and family dinners foster communication and build a sense of togetherness. Regular conversations during meals strengthen family bonds and allow us to build a rapport with our children that helps them to feel that they can always come and talk to us.

Some of my most meaningful conversations with my children have happened over the dinner table. As they got older, finding the time for family dinners became increasingly difficult. We accepted that we may not be able to make it happen every night, but we committed to making the effort and thought that effort reflected the importance that we place on family connection. Navigating schedule conflicts can be difficult but prioritizing family dinners when possible is important to us.

Thirdly we encourage our children to tell us about their friends. We ask questions about their values, their families, and their life goals. This encourages our kids to reflect on their friendships in relation to their goals and values. Our hope is that these thoughtful conversations will influence our children's choices in friends and their personal development. We believe that the influence of one's social circle is significant and helps shape perspectives and behaviors. We always emphasize the impact of surrounding yourself with positive influences.

We tell our children that 'we cannot help them if they do not tell us'. The point of this is to say that we cannot help guide you through tough situations if you do not tell us about them. Navigating the balance between guidance and open communication is crucial. We try to create an environment that encourages our children to share their experiences without fear of our response.

We maintain a lighthearted approach to acknowledging our imperfections. A polite way to say we joke and 'razz' with each other about silly things we do or mistakes we might make. We believe you have to laugh it off sometimes. Although occasionally we go too far and an apology is required most of the time these moments of humor and acceptance contribute to the overall dynamic of the family and help strengthen our bond. Sometimes we tease each other and create small competitions among ourselves that usually end up in great successes!

We show up for each other. We endure long drives to faraway schools, leave work early, sometimes split the family cheering section up between multiple events - Divide and conquer or watch one event on live broadcast while ushering others to another event, but we show up. And I mean WE. Not just the parents- all of us. My college daughter drives down when she can to attend her sisters High school wrestling matches and her sister drives to the university to see her plays. They all sit through dance team competitions for their other sister and they help set up for my work events, We show up, always for each other. Reinforcing the value of support and presence is fundamental in building strong family bonds as well as helping to provide crucial emotional support and therefore contributes significantly to mental well being.